Ha. The title pretty sums up ME.
On the outside, I always give out the vibe that I am really chill and carefree. On the inside, I am almost constantly thinking. Thinking way too much about one thing. It probably doesn't do any good to my mental health.
Hold up. Let me just make it clear that I am not those stereotypes.
My type of over-thinking: if one thing really bugs me, I would think the crap out of it. Thinking all the possibilities, the positive the neutral the negative the extreme negative, the ultra negative, all of the plausible outcomes. I would even picture myself in those negative scenarios and act along with it. Just in case if the extreme negative happens, I can tell myself "see, you've prepped yourself well." and move on.
My mama has always been telling me to quit this habit. I tried but I just can't. It's so hopeless that I have so little control over my brain.
Right now, at the very moment, I am over-thinking one thing. It has been stuck in my head for the past two days and I am still thinking about it. If thinking burns calories, I would be hella fit.
Trust me, I tried. I tried scrolling on 9gag, tumblr, and twitter. They kinda keep my mind off the subject but once I stopped scrolling, I will immediately start thinking about that one thing again. I tried watching youtube videos. Same thing. I even tried to focus at work. And now I am dragging my mind to this blog. It still relates to the subject but it sorta helps. I feel like I am talking to someone about what's keeping my mind occupied.
You see, I don't like to rant to actual human beings about my own problem. First, I genuinely don't think they care. Most importantly, I don't allow people to show their sympathy to me. CANNOT. Because once they do, I will start "indulging" in the feeling that I am weak and pathetic. And I will never get enough of it until people get annoyed about it. N-O. I will not let that happen.
*I'm crossing my fingers now. I don't know how hard I'll fall if the extreme negative happens this time.
