Subsititution

Dear whoever's reading this:

I hate being the second choice. For whatever reason I've always been pushing down the list for my entire life. He would almost definitely be choosing another girl than me, prioritizing her on top of me, and what I hate most: friendzoning me.

"We're bros."

FUCK THIS.

I hate being the late realization. If you loved me when we were going out then you would treat me like a precious stone with extra care. Not after I've broken up with you. You can say the prettiest, the sweetest, the warmest words ever to me, but I am not turning back. You've hung up on me. You've shaken my hands off you. You've requested me to change into a person that it's not longer me. I'm fed up.

"I'm sorry."

FUCK THIS.

I hate being the "tool". What makes him think it's okay to use me as a tool to make her jealous, and may possibly make him to be more competitive. Has he ever treated me as a friend, even. Because according to my dictionary, friends shouldn't be treated this way. The slightest betrayal at my most fragile moment hurts like a bitch. It cuts through my flesh literally like the sharpest knife is cutting through the layers of my skin. Millimeter by Millimeter.

"Oh, you can't come on Friday."
"That's ok, I was just about to tell you I don't want to go"
"Awesome!"

FUCK THIS.

(Don't take care of me like a little child when I'm drunk if you don't have any feelings for me. You were cuddling me and stroking my hair. You even put your arm around me so I could feel safe inside your hug. You're genuinely screwing up my feelings.)

What's gonna happen next?